Critters In The Kitchen And A Tarantula In The Privy!

 As Allie pushed past Josh in her hurry to find a bathroom a rooster flew right in behind her and sat himself down looking like he owned the place.. Allie again found herself brushing cobwebs out of her eyes as she searched the house on a run. There was not a bathroom to be found on the first floor. She saw the staircase and ran upstairs; no bathroom. She went running down the stairs only to find Josh grinning at her. He was still in the kitchen talking to the animals who evidently had decided that the kitchen was their home and Josh was their new friend. This was not going to happen, but first things first. "Josh, there is not a bathroom in this house. What am I going to do?"

"I think we are destined to use the ancient outdoor bathroom that the old people used to call the outhouse, or the privy." Allie at this point almost screeched, "What? An outdoor bathroom? I don't care! I don't care! I have to go and I have to go bad!" Josh told her he had spotted one in back of the house so he led the way through the overgrowth of blackberry bushes and assorted weeds to a small building. "There it is. Yup, it's an outdoor bathroom. Actually it is in pretty good shape. Look at that roof. I bet it never leaks when it rains. "When It rains I will not be coming outside to pee!, Allie yelled. I'm going in there right now!"

"I had better check it out for you first to make sure there aren't any critters in there. When a building isn't used for a long time you never can tell what has moved in; for instance the kitchen back there." He opened the door and there was Allie's first experience with an outdoor bathroom.

Josh was laughing so hard he snorted through his nose. "There you go heiress to a dude ranch. Your very own two-holer. A fancy one too. Oops, there's a tarantula right by the doorway. I'll bet he is looking for a female. Did you know males actually knock on the door of a female's nest? Then if the female doesn't want a date then she either ignores him or eats him." Josh was still laughing. Allie was not. "I will eat you if you don't hurry up and get rid of that spider. My life seems to be destined to be dealing with spiders lately. Careful, don't let it bite you. I don't want you dead." Josh grinned as he carefully rehomed the spider out of the way. "His bite wouldn't kill me, but I'd just as soon not chance it. Okay it looks okay in here. You go ahead and use it. I'll wait for you."

 "What do you mean use it? There is no toilet paper in here! And its dirty! Yuk, there is no way. Go get me some tissue out of the Jeep. I'll use that, then we had better start finding a place that's clean enough to sleep. We are going to need lots of water. There should be some buckets out in one of those old buildings. With both of us working it shouldn't take long. We have a busy few days ahead of us by the looks of that house. I guess Uncle Bill wasn't much of a housekeeper."

Josh went out to the Jeep and found some tissue for Allie. He left her grumbling and talking loudly to herself while he went back into the kitchen. He shooed the animals out and assured them that the kitchen was not theirs anymore. He went to find the sink and discovered that there was no water faucet because there was no sink. "This can't be happening to me. How is she going to take this? Well, there has to be water somewhere; there are animals living here." He walked around the house and thought, "She is really going to have a fit when she sees this. She may not stay. In fact I don't think she should stay. If she sells the land she at least will have a little nest egg to live on until she finds a good job and a nice place to live."

Josh woke up finding himself laying on the ground beside the old water pump. He rubbed the back of his head and found a tender lump. He had a terrible headache. "This is getting old. That's twice I've been injured since I've been with Allie. What's the deal, Dad? Did you hire someone to kill me? I've about had it. I'm going to see if I can't find Allie's cell phone and call you. Enough is enough. Wait a minute. You don't even know where I am. Oh yes you do. I forgot about the tracking device on her camper. I have to get rid of that thing. It is you! Who have you hired to get us off this ranch? Oh my poor head. Doggone it!"  He made his way back to the camper and felt under the wheel well for the little tracking device. It was gone. He got down on his hands and knees and looked all over. It was not where he put it. "Well, dear old Dad, I guess it wasn't you after all. Sorry about that, but you are under handed enough to do something like that. That's how this whole thing started. Glad you have no idea where I am. I wonder where that thing fell off? We have been on the road for miles. It could be anywhere. Man my head hurts. How did I get this knot on my head? It's weird out here that's for sure." Josh was rubbing his head and looking the place over as he walked back to the house. "I think I had better check on Allie to see if she is okay." He did grin to himself about the outhouse. "She sure can get mad about stuff."

The neighbors across the way were laughing too. "It won't be long now. They are city slickers for sure. All those animals Maxine put in the house was a great idea. They never did find the bathroom either. Maxine's man friend did a good job of boarding it up. Hey look. That young fella is laying down on the ground out by the water pump. I wonder if he is sick. Hmm. Better watch to see if he is alright. We don't want no city folks looking for those two. Oh there he's getting up. What is he doing? Get the binoculars. What is he doing under the Jeep? Keep an eye on him. I'm going to give Maxine a call."